"Fun"tastic Facebook

Facebook is amazing fun....no two ways about it. But with time, I've realized that there are different types of Facebookers : Some that manage to get on to my nerves and some who make me do the ROFLMAO. So, without any ado, here's my Top 10:

1. The type which never puts their actual photograph as their profile pic. It is one thing if you know the person very well. But using your childhood/ filmstar/ natural beauty pic as a proxy for your current unflattering self and expecting me to recognise and then add you as a friend is a bit too much!

2. The "I will take random quizzes and I will populate your Facebook wall with updates on How many times I will get f***ed or How many grandkids I will have or Which filmstar I resemble"

3. The one which lets the whole world know of when they last answered nature's call and when they kept the bedroom window open and felt the cool breeze. A subset of this are those who post those incomprehensible/ melancholic/ depressed status updates to draw sympathy and then come back and say "All izzz weell people..just had loose motions". Sample this:

"i just had cereal. I used to repel it in india. But i had something called chocolate cheereos. I've eaten the cereal, but the milk remains. Now how will i have plain white milk!"

"i'm upset. like, very upset. like, very very upset."

"people keep fucking arnd with me, and I keep thwarting them away...as usual in the end, I love myself :)"

No, seriously you guys need a shrink, not Facebook"

4. The "unwanted PR firm types" who insist on taking extremely embarassing pics and then tag you so that no one in your nosy family/ society/college is deprived of the pleasure of seeing you coil up with the college hottie or lying sloshed down the staircase. Horrors, most of this lot have found a new way to get you noticed; they just tag you in a post!

5. The one who will send you friend requests whether or not they have seen you in the past decade. This category has 2 sets:

a. First, those who just add you and will look through you the next time you pass them.

b. Second, those who act as if you guys are chuddie-buddies and get all "Dude, what's up?" with you.

6. The one who will compulsively comment on all your activities/ photographs/ status updates to let you know how much they care. (btw, these are the guys who make your living on FB more enjoyable...keep up the good work)

7. First came the zombies; biting off body parts and revelling in the pleasure....Then came in the Corleone family wannabes through Mafia wars....Just when you thought it was over, marched in the blue geese and the pink elephants all demanding a portion of your farm and waiting to be fed as well...Oh for variety, there's always Fishville, Zooville, Fortune Cookies, Amora the Love Psychic....Sample this meanwhile:

"Chinmay's Oyster Bed could use a little bit of love" ( Really? If Chinmay himself got more love, he wouldn't be playing these mindless games on Facebook)

"X discovered their Best Friend of the Day and the result was Y" ( You have a best friend of the day; I take ages to make one :)

8. The creepy ones who follow your every single movement on Facebook (basically compensating for the lack of parental supervision) and then announce in a particularly sensitive gathering about how many female friends you have / when you changed your relationship status/ how all you seem to be doing is flirting/drinking/partying etc. etc.

9. The ones with terrible grammar. Some classic examples:

"loveb ya guyzzz.....i llloooovvvvvvvvvbbb yaaaa...misssshhh ya ....:):)n love ya ma frenssss:):)"

"MWAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ TO SKOL LYF!!!!!!!!!!! "

"hey X hw r u ya hp ure fyn..........aja results out i did well nly............hahahdo tk...ok.........till then see ya....X"

"Tz awsm 2 hv ur own lappi"

10. The ones who desperately need to get themselves a room. ASAP. Sample this:

"tried calling, i think you're sleeping...i was in the shower when you called..."

"shit!! baby I'm so sorry...I only wanted to talk to you so badly..."

"me lovvvie wovvie you sooooo much pumpkin, call me now sugababes" (choke, gag, choke)

* Btw, all samples used here are real and hardly fictitious. It would take an awesomely imaginative mind to come up with those jewels; and I don't have one. I could even point out those who put them in the first place; but only after administering oaths of secrecy :P

Meanwhile, I luuuuurrrvvee Facebook. I have been a victim and yet find it extremely necessary to snoop/update/keep checking for updates every half an hour. Till then see ya......llloooollllzzz :):):) If anyone is offended, then do remember to post it on my wall....I'll like it!