She

The way she shrugged when asked something she found funny;
The way her nose crinkled when she wanted to dismiss something;
The way her nasal twang becomes pronounced unpredictably, and only I could find that irresistibly cute;
The way her hair flowed backwards that night in the mess;
The way she made it a point to remember you when you thought she had short-term memory;
The way she smses when you least expect it, and then you get that lurch in your stomach;
The way she calls you by a name in a way only she can;
The way she makes you want to stare at her in a crowd, even when you know that people are noticing;
The way she gives you a warm glow when you are teased around with her;
The way she can work you into a jealous fit when she speaks to other male specimens around you;
The way she makes you realise it was never meant to be; it was too difficult in the first place...

Go.....Break a leg! -II

Never thought I'd get down to writing a sequel to my earlier post. But, I have managed what I guess 0.01% of the world population manages to do; break their leg twice in the space of just 5 months! This stint has blessed me with the most funny/ irritating/ painfully excruciating moments with the people at IIM B..For all their brains, most people here are downright petty or stupid or insensitive or in extreme cases, all three rolled into one! And since my accident has seemingly tickled the funny bone of people around me, here's my top 5 list of people I want to drive a screw through. Right now.

5. The most irritating question you can hear when bound to a wheelchair is "How did this happen?". Yes, it's never "How are you?" or "Get well soon"...its always the nosy journo/gossip-monger in you wanting to know how this happened? Some morons in college actually followed me on a 1 km stretch just to get my story in detail!

4. Then there are those who insist on reminding me I am putting on weight. Well, for someone who spent most of 2010 recovering on a bed, did you expect Hrithik-esque muscles rippling out of my tee?

3. Then there are the ones who insist on using my crutches like weapons a-la Star Wars saber types. What amuses me are the ones who want a ride on the wheelchair..like this friend who sheepishly admitted how he always wanted to see how it felt. Really, now, really?

2. Then there are the perennial nay-sayers. Like this junior who insisted I was going to find it very difficult to walk in spite of my vehement denials. Worse-try this, a paralyzed guy (Believe me, I am usually not like this, but this guy needs a mention) comes up to me and asks me when I am having my next accident?

1. The top mention of course goes to my dearest friend who after last time, insists on sending me a video of the Jaipur Foot, wanting me to see how useful it is. No words. Period.

No mass thanks this time around. Just Smartass, Bhaiya, Bhabhi, Sahai, Pinky and KV for being the most marvelous company. And Smartass, just for being Smartass. :)

"Fun"tastic Facebook

Facebook is amazing fun....no two ways about it. But with time, I've realized that there are different types of Facebookers : Some that manage to get on to my nerves and some who make me do the ROFLMAO. So, without any ado, here's my Top 10:

1. The type which never puts their actual photograph as their profile pic. It is one thing if you know the person very well. But using your childhood/ filmstar/ natural beauty pic as a proxy for your current unflattering self and expecting me to recognise and then add you as a friend is a bit too much!

2. The "I will take random quizzes and I will populate your Facebook wall with updates on How many times I will get f***ed or How many grandkids I will have or Which filmstar I resemble"

3. The one which lets the whole world know of when they last answered nature's call and when they kept the bedroom window open and felt the cool breeze. A subset of this are those who post those incomprehensible/ melancholic/ depressed status updates to draw sympathy and then come back and say "All izzz weell people..just had loose motions". Sample this:

"i just had cereal. I used to repel it in india. But i had something called chocolate cheereos. I've eaten the cereal, but the milk remains. Now how will i have plain white milk!"

"i'm upset. like, very upset. like, very very upset."

"people keep fucking arnd with me, and I keep thwarting them away...as usual in the end, I love myself :)"

No, seriously you guys need a shrink, not Facebook"

4. The "unwanted PR firm types" who insist on taking extremely embarassing pics and then tag you so that no one in your nosy family/ society/college is deprived of the pleasure of seeing you coil up with the college hottie or lying sloshed down the staircase. Horrors, most of this lot have found a new way to get you noticed; they just tag you in a post!

5. The one who will send you friend requests whether or not they have seen you in the past decade. This category has 2 sets:

a. First, those who just add you and will look through you the next time you pass them.

b. Second, those who act as if you guys are chuddie-buddies and get all "Dude, what's up?" with you.

6. The one who will compulsively comment on all your activities/ photographs/ status updates to let you know how much they care. (btw, these are the guys who make your living on FB more enjoyable...keep up the good work)

7. First came the zombies; biting off body parts and revelling in the pleasure....Then came in the Corleone family wannabes through Mafia wars....Just when you thought it was over, marched in the blue geese and the pink elephants all demanding a portion of your farm and waiting to be fed as well...Oh for variety, there's always Fishville, Zooville, Fortune Cookies, Amora the Love Psychic....Sample this meanwhile:

"Chinmay's Oyster Bed could use a little bit of love" ( Really? If Chinmay himself got more love, he wouldn't be playing these mindless games on Facebook)

"X discovered their Best Friend of the Day and the result was Y" ( You have a best friend of the day; I take ages to make one :)

8. The creepy ones who follow your every single movement on Facebook (basically compensating for the lack of parental supervision) and then announce in a particularly sensitive gathering about how many female friends you have / when you changed your relationship status/ how all you seem to be doing is flirting/drinking/partying etc. etc.

9. The ones with terrible grammar. Some classic examples:

"loveb ya guyzzz.....i llloooovvvvvvvvvbbb yaaaa...misssshhh ya ....:):)n love ya ma frenssss:):)"

"MWAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ TO SKOL LYF!!!!!!!!!!! "

"hey X hw r u ya hp ure fyn..........aja results out i did well nly............hahahdo tk...ok.........till then see ya....X"

"Tz awsm 2 hv ur own lappi"

10. The ones who desperately need to get themselves a room. ASAP. Sample this:

"tried calling, i think you're sleeping...i was in the shower when you called..."

"shit!! baby I'm so sorry...I only wanted to talk to you so badly..."

"me lovvvie wovvie you sooooo much pumpkin, call me now sugababes" (choke, gag, choke)

* Btw, all samples used here are real and hardly fictitious. It would take an awesomely imaginative mind to come up with those jewels; and I don't have one. I could even point out those who put them in the first place; but only after administering oaths of secrecy :P

Meanwhile, I luuuuurrrvvee Facebook. I have been a victim and yet find it extremely necessary to snoop/update/keep checking for updates every half an hour. Till then see ya......llloooollllzzz :):):) If anyone is offended, then do remember to post it on my wall....I'll like it!

Funny Family-Part III

I love my Mom...there's absolutely no one like her! But she has some quirks which I find terribly funny....So while I definitely believe that she attends the Global Mom's Convention (where Moms all around the world get together to decide on the lines they'll use on their kids), Amma has her own favourite list of sayings....so here goes.....


5. So my mom is perenially concerned I may just elope with someone and land up on her doorstep with a bride in tow...Not that I plan to (too much effort); but it is always great pleasure needling her. So my constant "irritate Amma" talk focus on my plans to marry a girl from some other community!
Battling my charges, my Mom, has come up with a 101-point manual on how only a Malayali girl of her choice can ever be good enough for me! She has come up with faults in every other community to prove how those girls will never be good enough for me :P

4. Having been a day scholar all my life, Amma's been pretty used to see me around the house all the time. So my mom's constant grouse is Bangalore; or rather how I've been "Bangalored"! So, nowadays most conversations begin like this:
"You were so nice when you were in Bombay. What has Bangalore done to you?"
"You valued money and family earlier....What has Bangalore done to you?"
"You loved my food....What has Bangalore done to you?"
you get the gist right? Now, even if I was crossing the road and a meteor fell on me, it would surely get attributed to Bangalore! :P (something like you've become so careless after going to Bangalore...no wonder you didnt see the meteor)


3. My Ma has the uncanny knack of switching on the TV when some "Mother-wala" serial/movie/ad plays along.
So picturise me and Amma in the living room....Ma switches on TV....The ad/movie/serial has a son/daughter/saint extolling the virtues of motherhood and how those who trouble their Moms will in all probability be put into a cauldron full of burning oil and left to their fortunes :(
And now picturise Ma turning back on me with a victorious smile.....


2. While I am a general good boy; whose example is taken by the other mothers in the community to browbeat their errant kids; (or so I am told), Amma has an impossible set of ideals I've got to live up to. That chetan, this bhaiya, that akka: in short most of my Mom's friends' offspring seem to be the epitome of goodness and godliness. All I am waiting is to earn some money and hire a detective to find a chink in these amazing people's armor!

1. My Amma is never wrong....yes, you may not believe me, but after numerous instances of trying to prove her wrong; I've given up. She knows exactly what goes through my mind and can smell a lie from a distance! She could actually put forward the most outrageous claims and somehow God has this partial way of siding up with my Mom and prove her right; all so that she could flash her "I told you so" smile :)



All said and done, this post is dedicated to the most amazing person in my life; my Mom. Amma's been there for me at every stage, a rock solid source of support and unconditional love. Thanks Ma...and in case you ever read this, please let me come back home :)

Funny Family- Part II

My family loves to talk. and talk they do.....so, in the second series of Funny Family, I chronicle my beloved family member's Top 5 favourite sayings...

5. We never backanswered our parents...
- Really? Its not as if you would have had your way anyways....which is more like why you won't let me have mine either :P

4. Look at Valliachan's son, Cheriamma's daughter, Iyengar Aunty's daughter-in-law, Sharma Uncle's dog......so obedient, so loving, so family oriented, so.....
- Hmmmm......well since I seem to fare lacklustre in comparison to almost the entire youth brigade, either there's something wrong with me.....or we could just blame it on the genes! the apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it? :P

2. Do you know how we lived? We were 3/4/5/6/7....in one family. But still we managed to live happily.
- Yeah, so family planning wasn't vogue in your times...in any case, have you read about inflation? Not to forget it is your sibling's offspring and their extended family which are crowding the roads and competing for my jobs. :

3. You do not understand the value of money. You have not earned any of your own and yet you keep making your preposterous demands.
- Of course, I have value for money.... why do you think I don't spend any of mine.....which is also why I prefer spending it from your pocket.....and why I want to spend it before it is too late ;)

1. You will not understand now. But YOU WILL one day, when you have kids of your own. And then you'll know what it is to be a parent. And then, I'll look and laugh.
- This one takes the cake, the baker and the bakery also.....why do they have to be so sadistic? At this rate, I'm actually dreading having kids of my own, if they're going to be anything like mine...

Funny Family- Part I

My family is funny...subtly, over-the-top, however you see it.....And as a continuing series here's my first take on a wonderous motley of the most different people you'll ever find! So, I have a funny uncle...and this particular uncle loves telling stories... even when the other side is not ready to listen and is in visible pain after one or two hours of his story-telling...Did I mention that Uncle has an opinion on everything under the sun. So whether it is sweet potato cultivation or the political uncertainty in the Czech Republic, Uncle will have something to say about it and say he does :\ Three scenes of my interaction with darling Uncle...

Scene 1: Somewhere in 1997

Me with my cousins: Wow! Shaktimaan is so cool....

Uncle: So what? Even I can do what he can.

Me (at my young impressionable age): Really? How is that?

Uncle (with the superior aim of having claimed a victim): I know Kundalini Yoga...blah blah blah blah....I can awaken my inner Kundalini and blah blah blah....

Scene 2: By now, having aged a little, I could see how the Kundalini hadn't yet awakened, but yet, I wasn't any the wiser!

Me (to my Aunt and cousins): When was the state of Kerala was formed?

Aunt: I don't know....I guess somewhere in 1960's...

Me: Uncle, do you know when this happened?

Uncle (relishing the capture of an old victim): Now, it so happened that I was witness to the formation of the state of Kerala...blah blah....

My cousins meanwhile escaped leaving me as the only audience...albeit a much wiser one ;)

Scene 3: Cut to today. I now measure each word as I speak to my uncle. The trap could be laid anytime. So, all unnecessary conversation is avoided. ( correction: ALL conversation is avoided)

Me: Hello

Uncle: So, where are you interning?

Me: Boston ..... ....

Uncle: Boston.....hmmmm....

Me: Uh-oh....yeah well....Boston... is that a doorbell I hear?

Uncle: Isn't Boston in the US?

Me: Yeah.... it was the last time I heard it....Amma, I'm coming..

Uncle: Have you heard about the Boston Tea Party? ( :0 where did that come from?) So when people in Africa were starving, the Americans were throwing food into the sea.... Blah blah blah..... (btw, I wouldn't have been surprised if Uncle had claimed his ancestors to have witnessed the aforementioned event, nothing is impossible for someone who claims to match Shaktimaan;) )

Last heard, Uncle had recently found the cure for cancer through his research and was talking about Aishwarya Rai having pancreatic cancer. Also, he's waiting for an audience to talk to... Any takers?

Go.....Break a leg!

1. Do some random stuff.
2. Turn around. JUST LIKE THAT. Turn around.
3. Hear the snap of the knee buckling in.
4. Try putting the dislocated knee back into the socket.
5. Now, fall down making the most painful face possible to attract attention.



And that is how I managed to break my leg effortlessly. Voila..... midway between making a fool of myself while compering on stage, I turn around so that noone is deprived of the pleasure of seeing my red face. And then, Steps 1 to 5 happened in quick motion quickly leaving me incapacitated.


A quick trip to Appolo with Smartass, Reddygaru and Carrots ensured something was wrong with my knee; except Rs.1500 of initial diagnosis couldn't confirm what? : While I was wincing in pain, Reddygaru happily announces that she's never had more fun in a long time and begins clicking photos(only if the IV and the injections were less threatening, I'd probably have agreed with her) To add insult to injury (literally), the doctor goes ahead and lets everyone know that I have "fat thighs"; a possible cause of the freak accident. :(


Meanwhile, news of the heroic(?) event reached college and I had to act quick and invent an exciting story. Reddygaru to the rescue-We quickly pinned the blame on My3's falling on my knee as the reason behind the injury. Things would have gone well if news of this hadn't reached My3 who was now talked about as being responsible for my fracture:P
>>>Revert to original story. This meant that I lost all chances of sympathy capitalizing, what with people actually doubting my injury.


After rounds of Rs.350/consultation, the doctor finally announced that he believes it could be an injury to the meniscus (the stress here is on "believes", he's still not sure)


3 months down the line, the injury's allright and my versions have changed...So I've hurt my leg playing a backhand shot in tennis (how that can be managed even I don't know), while tumbling down the stairs and even while running the college marathon...


I take this opportunity to thank all my friends for being the most wonderful I've ever had. You guys helped me stand up on my feet and gave me all the courage I ever needed.(except for someone who suggested amputation and using the Jaipur Foot as an alternative to the one I already had) ;)